The gallows of home

The Gallows Called home
When i was in college , i always used to call my home my rehab, not because there were rules to be followed or things not to be done .My parents used to pamper me a lot when ever i used to go home ,yet i came to the fact that it was more of a rehab as there were certain things i could never bring to do myself in front of my parents.
I could for instance never drink or smoke in front of my father and till date he thinks that i dont do either .Its also for the fact that i get bored of things fast and smoking and drinking have been the same .
I pick up things to leave them once i loose intrest in it .A serious mental disorder and yet i am not addicted to any thing . This could be a disease where you cant get addicted ,others call it spiritualism.
Am I spiritual , i guess i got bored of my spirituality once and left it too .The problem with my mind is that i dont get bored i am just sheer lazy and knowing the truth does not help.
So when ever i am working just to proove my self wrong i work hard ,i work till the soles of my feet look like the surface of the moon with blisters all over ( this could be bcos i wear the wrong kind of foot wear).
So i got bored of living alone and i got bored of my parents and i got bored of life .I think i got bored of the word bored .There is nothing exciting in this life and life itself is nothing great .With i dont know how many billion people on this earth its difficult to find a place where i dont see a specimen of my species where ever i go .( it only happend once when i walked five kilometers in to the jungles in the himalayas and had a skinny dip in the cold mountain water ) i think that was the only time when i was alone with only my thought , my god and that cold waterslowly taking away my senses numbing my brains .....
I some times wonder that in the last three years when i thought i was getting too old and had seen all the misery life had some thing else in store for me and i now i lok forward with eagerness and excitement to welcome what it has to offer me . This may mean that the best laid plans may fail and i may again find myself in a no win situation but i know that there is a super power which gives you what you deserve at the time when you need it most and takes it away when either you dont need it or you are destined for greater things or for that matter things that you may not like happening to you . Its all time bound .
So the question is ...
Do you bow down to the destiny game or fight it out ?
Not many people know that if i hadnt lost the house in mumbai where i used to stay when i was unemployed, chances were that i may not have gone back home yet and this is just a way of my destiny to show that i have finished with my running and its time i go back home and do some thing that it has in store for me .
So do i bow down to gods will ......
duh ...
The answer is clear the tickets are booked , the informations forwarded .the bags packed and off i go tommorow in to the Rehab...
PS : The doctors are my parents

Do i Nail Her

Do you nail the bitch when you had the chance ?????? Strange .You might be thinking what is wrong with this guy ?? My answer is well nothing is wrong with me .Some thing happened that made me think about the so called theories of love. About true love that is . I dont say that true love does not exist in this world and i would say those who get it are lucky but those who dont are plain unfortunate .So coming back to my question .Do you nail her when you had the chance bcos you dont know if you are going to spend your whole life with her and while you are trying to woo her with flowers , some body else is already playing with her flower.
So what do you so when that person happens to be your soulmate or you think so it is but destiny has othe games to play .
She trained under me and i already buried her in my past but one fine evening when i was chatting to my new found love she messaged me saying .all i wanted was friendship and i couldnt give it to her .I wonder how to reply to her, but i knew what the message meant some how i could always predict what was on with her life and i could guess the events happening in her life .She was so predictable . She was getting married to her boyfriend and i knew it .
I felt a strange feeling growing inside me suddenly working so far from home had no meaning and going back was an option i could look in to . There was nothing left for me in this part of the country and the work i do is boring enough to kill some body.I felt that all these months had gone waste and as a matter of fact this year itself is wasted . Nothing much was achieved and nothing much seems to be at the anvil.
The strange part was that i didnt feel a thing ,no tears building in to my eyes when a person whom i used to send fifty love messages a day was getting married to the guy i hated the most bcos i knew her life would be over if she marries him .No tears , the only thing i felt was i should have nailed her when i had the chance . Maybe on the day it rained and we were on my new bike or on that night when we were alone on the railway station .May be.
Did i do the right thing ??? I love my girl now , and shes really working hard towards our future together .I have never met her yet i love her so much that today when she hasnt called up i feel sad ,some thing amiss ,some thing not good.....but do i nail her when i get the chance .I know she will not say no but i know that will be the end of our relationship .I cant let her go and knowing myself i know i will just move on .she will also ultimately move on only afte crying and cursing me .no tear s will be shed .
I think i should get married to her or rather i would say i love her and should marry her .she supported me in more than fifty ways and i know if i loose her i may never come across the right girl but i cant connect to her i cant predict what she is doing at the moment or say what shes thinking .That way i could only connect to monica and i regret it .I dont need to know what shes doing as long as i know that talking to me brings a smile on her face and if i dont hear her voice i feel sad.Isnt it enough to love her this way.She knows everything about my life and i dont hide any thing from her that maybe some day i will be able to connect to her communicate with her in the sign language .When i will be able to see her doing things sitting five thousand miles away from her .But then i know i did the right thing not nailing her because i love her and will always love her from my heart ...........
Incoming from monica " hi sid ,how are you can we become friends now i dont love you anymorebcos i started loving nitin and its all because of you .you are the wayfor my real loveand its nitin"
What do i reply to this ?
Fuck off
Oh its ok ,i also love some body else
Yes
But my answer is silence i dont want to answer such a stupid question .Why should i even get in touch with her when i know that sending even one message is against my dignity now.The last message has been sent .The answer given
Silence
Incoming from monica" My choice was so bad when you were there and i didnt realize his love for me but now its not like that all is well"
Duh this bitch never stops .Maybe i should have nailed her when i had the chance.The stupid girl doesnt care for me or even felt once before sending me this stupid message that i am way way over her and i dont want to see her fucking face again in my life and she expects me to spend money sending a reply to those idiotic messages .She calls me a bad choice and i should go begging on my knees for her friendship
The answer given
Silence
Wait another message
Incoming from Monica "Ok will not disturb u thank you ru with you darling sorry dear have a lovely evening bye and wish her congrats from me coz she got a lovely guy bye"
So i guess the bitch got the message ....
The answer given .
Silence
I really dont know what to answer to these messages .How can a person behave so normally when she knows shes broken the heart and spoiled the life of the other person whom shes sending messages too.The answer is ,she is just plain selfish.She just thinks about herself and her shortening freinds list ...But in the end i know she will be alone .All alone in this world .
There is so much difference between the two girls i loved in my life .One is a girl i should have nailed her when i had the chance and the other i wont even touch even if she openly said she wanted to be nailed before marriage .That is the beauty of her .That is true love .....Monica if you read this some day remember i loved you but do not even care a shit for you now because you know in your heart that you are guilty of breaking a beautiful heart and god is watching you .
You are condemned ....Never will be happy in life ....Not because i cursed you but because you made the worst decision in your life and i am happy you made it because its the punishment of living with that guy whom i warned you always about ...
This is fun so i got my answer too . You got to decide if you should or shouldnt nail the girl but i guess all guys are too stupid to really know when the moment is right.