Little did I know how life throws curve balls as I sat admiring the clouds that took various shapes as wind blew them away in to the horizon. Life had over all been a merry go around and the winds of change had started to appear once again in Mumbai. There was not much to do except look at the ever busy city, talk to oneself and wonder when the so called “Sade Satti” would end.
Now I am one of those sceptics who believe in destiny and angels. In fact in my last articles Angel, destiny and me, I did mention how angels work in accordance to our destiny. During those days however I wasn’t at peace with myself wondering how life was unfolding in front of me. When most of my friends were busy running the corporate rat race, here I was running in search of Nirvana. The backpacker bug had bitten me and while I was busy exploring India, I always wondered if I would ever be a success. Close friends would lend me money and I would be off to my next adventure sitting in cafes, writing stories about characters, drinking coffee and having a chat alike. Life was on the brink of collapsing and yet a glimmer of hope would tell me to look forward to the next day. It was those days when daily routines would range from a variety of activities ranging from spending time on the internet to catching a drink with my corporate friend after he would finish work.
Sterling used to be our favourite haunt and often we would catch on the latest late night shows and Hollywood blockbusters. Of course popcorn and cola never used to be on our menu as none of us were great fans of either and while a couple of smokes used to always on the agenda on those famous steps, philosophy would be discussed against watching girls. We were different. We were young and we were in search of something that was amiss. He wanted my life and I wanted his. I have known “D” for almost 12 years now and still remember how I had met him on the stairs of the catering college hostel. He had a habit of rolling his “R”, spoke American English, and was one of the coolest guys in hostel. We would often meet on weekends living in the same hostel, as we both moved in different groups and yet it was our passion for adventure and movies alike that would bring us together on weekends, when we would catch all the movies at sterling, hitchhiking our way from Dadar to CST.
After college we had lost touch and yet once again had met up when I had appeared at his door steps in Mumbai one fine morning. D had taken me in. I was on my way to live my dream job and Mumbai was a stopover and while I was gone once again, a few months later we were sitting at sterling steps discussing life. He was on his way to success with a telecom giant and I was in an early life crisis. D had been more than a friend and had loaned me a vast amount of money, over that period, no questions asked. He was there always, taking me or vice versa for our so called sterling meets . He often would land there directly from office and me setting off after a job search or day spent on the internet. Life was good and D was a pal.
Over the years , I have often gone away on my quests and while D had always wanted to live the vagabond life, I always dissuaded him in following suit. Being a vagabond in life, while might have taken me to the most amazing places and yet it hasn’t quenched that thirst or answered that age old question of “What is the aim of my life.” Of course moving from place to place has had taken its toll on my life and the back packing hasn’t really turned out the way I always thought it would be. Till now I had seen backpackers and had admired them how they would take a year off from work and travel, go back work a bit more and then again set out on a journey.
The question where did all the money come from was answered recently. Travelling unlike us Indians is different in the western world. It does not involve staying in fancy hotels and it definitely does not involve a search. It is just about being there, done that and having a good time with one’s friends. That’s about it. The whole spiritual quest does not involve travel or for that matter, sitting on a beach or in the hills thinking about life. It can be very well be done while lying in bed after a hard day’s work, being happy making 300 $ a day. What is spirituality? According to me and I do not say that I am a guru on the subject. It is nothing but a state of bliss. Where each morning we get up, feeling good about the morning, heading off to the job we love doing the most , where a challenge is something we look forward to and after a busy day or night at work, one feels happy for having achieved something physically or mentally. My experience on the island was an event where I learned this fact. It wasn’t about the search or quest. It wasn’t about loneliness and it definitely wasn’t about love. Some people find happiness in pursuit of love; others find it following a passion. For me I found out it was work. I have been fortunate enough to do something I love doing the most. So much so that I do not even care about what I am doing as long as it is what I love doing.
Over the time, I have realised how work has kept me happy and just like love, work acts as stimulant to activate those hormones, which makes one feel at bliss. Of course the catch here is always, why do you work?
When your answer is money, you definitely are in the wrong field of work. Sooner or later everyone realises it and there are very few human beings who have the courage to do so. However when you don’t even know what you want to do in life, the situation becomes tricky and it is at that time one needs to understand, quitting is not an option. It is then over trivial pursuits like pursuing love might be of some use. The whole idea behind this exercise is to find something that makes you what you are or perhaps a bit happier than what you were. It is when you realise what you want in life and are willing to begin afresh , from scratch only then shall you achieve what I long set in search off, the feeling of bliss or “Nirvana.”
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