It had been two months since everything had fallen apart and while I sat down thinking, what had gone wrong in the chain of events, I somehow felt that the universe had its ways of showing us human mortals, that not everything is destined as we had planned it. We all have to walk a path, a path of right or wrong, and a path of understanding. I had stood on cross roads where everything on the left wasn’t right and everything on the right wasn’t left.
The irony was that while all this time, I had believed in my dreams, my dreams had somehow deceived me. My visions had become blurred and while once in a while I would see a vision that would shudder my soul. I had little or no reason to believe any longer in them. I had always believed that if you believe in a dream long enough sooner or later the universe will conspire and give it to you and yet it seemed impossible in my current scenario of achieving it. I had lost it all. It wasn’t that I had intentionally decided to lose it. It had just happened, slowly but surely, bit by bit everything had fallen apart and while I willingly had turned a blind eye to the events that were unfolding, little did i know that life did not come with a "the end" title after you lost everything. It goes on.
I on the other hand had fallen from grace. I felt like St. Michael, suffering the wrath of God. I had in my hurry to the top had ignored how God in his own wisdom has plans for all of us and while there are stories of inspiration all around us of how people had made it out of the bottomless pit of suffering, I had made it out of it and yet once again had gone back in to it, to suffer some more. Was life going to give me another chance, Was God willing to give me another chance or was I to suffer for all the sins I had committed once I was out in to the clear. Where had I gone wrong? What were the mistakes, I had made in life that had brought me in to this state. Where were all the dreams gone? Every once in a while I would swear to have my sweet revenge and then my love would stop me. Someone once told me if you love someone let them go, if they come back they were yours. Do I believe in it any longer? She is long gone and married.
Do I hunt her down and take my revenge? It is not right. No matter how much I have suffered, I owe at least that much to the beautiful moments that once formed that perfect life, I so much cherished. I have often wondered what my aim in life is. Was it to bring peace to broken souls and yet I myself suffered in agony. Of course when I read medical journals, people who talk in such language are termed to be suffering from some sort of mania. I of course if not an angel, definitely don’t like to stoop to ordinary human levels and take revenge. It is all Karma, and when we indulge in wrong karma we have to suffer the consequences. I was doing the same only this time round, perhaps i did not believe i had done anything wrong. I had been cheated upon, lied to and in the end expected to understand the decision. In ordinary terms be a spineless human and when I had stood up and said no, was humiliated in front of my family.
It had all the makings of a great soap on the national television, and yet I somehow could not bring myself o relive all those moments to tell a story, a story of love, sacrifice, commitment, faith and loyalty. A story of deceit, opportunism, convenience and mind games. Of two people sitting on the other ends of the world, lonely and sad and while one of them stood strong in the path of bringing them together eliminating every opportunity that could stop it, the other one took every opportunity to destroy it.
The story however does not end here as life in the past had shown me, how things change and while I may have been wrong was it worth waiting for. Why couldn’t I feel happy just like had felt happy for others. Why was it any different from the rest of the lot? I knew the answer now. I had lost to much in an effort to make it work and in the end lost it too, but then perhaps God has some other plans for me. All I needed was to wait and let my dreams come true at the right time and place, after all it all gets manifested, just the way it is supposed to.
